fairytale/

Fairytale
'cause I don't care for your fairytales You're so worried about the maiden though you know She's only waiting on the next best thing Snow White is doing dishes again cause What else can you do With seven itty-bitty men? Sends them to bed and calls up a friend Says will you meet me at midnight? The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Hello there, all you have to know is that I'm going on seventeen and that I bite.
I like school a lot because of my very hyper/funny classmates, tablemates especially.
Flipping and being out of gravity's reach momentarily gives me a thrill sometimes.
I love being in planes too cause its something I rarely experience.
And I've figured that though the Earth may be trembling, all is fine.
So, there's enough rambling.
I hope you have something to tag about with regards to my posts!

And love me,
for I am phenomenal. ♥

Friday, April 20, 2007,7:35 pm

it is just today,
that i realised how harsh life is.
just a few days ago,
our hard work came to silver.
we were underchanged.
just a few hours ago,
amy was talking to the class individually,
and i realised that the world is prejudiced.

lets just not talk about tramp.
lets just talk about amy.
she is like.
biased.
she only likes those who speak out loud in class.
dont misunderstand.
im just. feeling.
sad. for yiting.
shes like. NICE. and. eh.
SHES JUST NICE.
and she has the potential to be a leader.
and she is just. NICE.
the nicest person you can ever know.

then.
bah. forgot what i want to say.
in short,
the whole convo i had with her leads up to me saying:

global warming happened because of countries competing.
competing to be the most developed country.
why cant we just demolish everything.
get rid of all these roads
and just start living in caves again (or maybe not)
and do barter trade
instead of restorting to stealing?
everything started because of man's hearts
their selfishness
their desires
their competitive hearts
why cant we just go back in time,
to live the wonderful parts of life again?

which leads us BACK to tramp.
liv, me, zoe, mindy:
torn, lost, shattered, empty
thats what we feel respectively.
c divs over.
just as we were getting used to it,
just as we were getting to love it,
just as we were getting to enjoy it,
it went POOF.
like the dreams liv always have.
and it burst like a bubble.
and now its gone.
with its remains in the breeze,
the faint soft water vapour floating away and away,
further and further from us.

i want it back.
i want my seniors.
i want the stress.
i want my tao.
i want the thrill.
i want my emotions back.

now,
im just an empty shell.
im just a torn soul.
im just a shattered person.
im just a lost spirit.
and i cant find myself again.
i cant piece myself back again.

and now,
i dont know what to do.

"yesterday, i just wanted quiet. i wanted quiet to untangle my cobweb of feelings. so i kept quiet. olly said 'jeanne, dont bluff lah. you're not really happy.' that's the point. i dont know whether i'm happy. i don't know whats there to be happy or sad about. yining, maybe i'm immune afterall. maybe there IS something as immune to life.."

jeanne,
i dont know WHICH day you are refering to.
but i agree.
i dont know my emotions.
i dont know whether im happy.
cause i cheng tao.
cause i didnt crash.
cause i got 7.45.
cause i ALMOST got indiv bronze.
i dont know whether im sad.
cause i failed.
cause i let down my seniors.
cause i let down my mummy.
cause i let down myself.
cause i didnt reach thier expectations.
cause i didnt do my best tao.
cause i couldnt answer myself.

im quiet now.
im just listening to the typing of the keyboard.
its not rythmic.
its not trustworthy.
its. unstable.
but it will always be there.
as long as the computer screen is on,
it needs to be used.

i need to sort out my feelings.
i need to account to myself.
i need to persuade myself,
to either let go of the tao,
or to stress myself out by blaming myself.
but there is no keyboard noises for me.
i am all alone.

i need someone to be there.
someone who is ALWAYS there,
but not always obvious.
someone who can help me,
but someone who is unstable in his/her help.
i just need someone,
who can guide me,
just as my emotions clash,
and make me feel,

lost.

where lost and shattered souls are found,
where sad and empty spirits are discovered,
there comes a story of hope,
and unreveals a fairy tale of dreams and light.