I lay on the bed, speed dialing your number.

As the phone rang, the incessant ringing brought me into a reverie. Feeling numb and yet peaceful, my eyes closed in concent. Anxiousness would consume me every alternate ring, but I concentrated on breathing, pushing the feeling away.

Abruptly, the ringing cut off. Silence engulfed. My eyes flew open; it sounded like you rejected my call. The hurt and rejection rippled through me. A small part of me wanted to throw the phone away and let this drop, but I frantically punched in your number again. On the exterior, though, the anxiety didn't show. Through my sister's eyes, the me I couldn't recognise was calmly pressing the redial. The ringing started again.

I waited.

Funny how patience could escape you when your heart ruled your mind.

I willed you to pick up, but the calls continued to be cut. Considering that the ringing seemed to last for forever before it ended, I could not keep the suspicion that you did not wish to talk to me present. It ebbed away, but that did little to soothe me. Each time I heard the end of every call I made, the flicker of pain still passed through me.

Not a pleasant feeling, I assure you.

This continued.

Finally, after eternity, you answered.
A myriad of emotions surged through me - relief, joy and irritation.

"Where are you?" I demanded, not sounding like what I felt at all.

Your voice resounded through me, a meer tinkle that never failed to fill my heart. I was knocked breathless.

"What's the matter?" You were confused.

I repeated my question again, anger being the dominant emotion now.

"I'm at work - can't you hear the machines? Why did you call?"

"You were gone the whole day." I pointed out the obvious, not being able to think of a reason to answer the latter. How could I say that I missed not seeing you around? My stomach twisted as I skimmed through your question. "Mei just came back. She was gone the whole day too." I tried to distract her from what I just did.

"I know. She told me she was going to be busy today." There was impatience, then a pause. Hope rekindled in me. But then your voice turned formal and emotionless.

"Thank you for telling me. If there's nothing else, bye." But you waited instead of ending the call, and I could feel a sort of expectation in the air, on both sides of the line. I did not answer, but battled with myself whether to say goodbye. The devil in me won; I hung up.

Sinking back into my chair, I tried to reconsider the conversation.

I thought that the initial worry and anxiety was the worst I could feel, but just like previous encounters, I was wrong. Not receiving the assurance I expected caused my eyes to ridiculously fill with tears. I could feel despair and pain lapping around my heart, threatening to overtake, but I could not understand why. I curled up, trying to keep myself together.

Futile. Another piece of my heart shattered anyway.

Those emotions got so close to taking over my heart, but I took a deep breath. The moisture in my eyes went away; most of the butterfiles in my stomach disappeared. Most, but it was enough.

I stood up and strode out of the room, head held high. I was strong, and in perfect control of my life.