fairytale/

Fairytale
'cause I don't care for your fairytales You're so worried about the maiden though you know She's only waiting on the next best thing Snow White is doing dishes again cause What else can you do With seven itty-bitty men? Sends them to bed and calls up a friend Says will you meet me at midnight? The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Hello there, all you have to know is that I'm going on seventeen and that I bite.
I like school a lot because of my very hyper/funny classmates, tablemates especially.
Flipping and being out of gravity's reach momentarily gives me a thrill sometimes.
I love being in planes too cause its something I rarely experience.
And I've figured that though the Earth may be trembling, all is fine.
So, there's enough rambling.
I hope you have something to tag about with regards to my posts!

And love me,
for I am phenomenal. ♥

Sunday, March 04, 2007,5:56 pm

the day before i got sick, we three were having a heart to heart conversation.

now do i then know how wonderful my friends are.
now do i then know how lucky i am to have them.
now do i then know how hurt my friends are.
now do i then know how fated we are together.

cheer up! im sure your sister will cherish you one day. trust me, cause i am an older sister too!

but sometimes i wonder.. does my younger sister hate me that way too sometimes? and sometimes i do believe.. that it is true.. the way she shouts at me.. the way the hatred shines in her eyes.. when i know i had gone overboard with her.. but.. how do we not quarrel in our entire lifetime how do i ensure an everlasting life of peace and harmony between us? how do i CHERISH and LOVE her? is there a pill to make me do so? i want to, but HOW?

i dont want to hate her.
i dont want to lose her.
i dont want her to disappear from my life.
i want her to love me.
i want her to cherish me.
i want her to respect me.

but HOW. ohgod. tell me how.

yes, obsession is scary. i do not want to be dependent, i FORCE myself not to. you also know, if that obsession leaves you, you would fall and never stand up again. but you can rely on us! cause you know us. cause you trust us. cuase you know we would never, ever leave you.

but sometimes i think.. how can you stand alone forever? and sometimes i believe.. that we three do rely on things at times.. that it is true that we have obsessons.. that the things we rely and obsess about leaves us.. leaves us feeling hurt.. feeling tired.. feeling despair and emptiness in our heart.. but how do you NOT obsess and rely? how do you ensure a lifetime of inddependence? how do you ensure that you will be a pillar of support for others around you and yourself, and not rely on others beside you? how sure are you that you would not be obsessed over someone or something, and lose your head? is there a way to de independent?

i do not want to be dependent.
i do not want to be obsessive.
i do not want to rely on people.
i want to be independent.
i want to stand up by myself.
i want a chance to prove you my worth.

but HOW. ohgod. tell me how.

currently im still quarreling with my sister over minor things. now she still shows me that look of hatred that pierce my heart oh-so-badly. presently she still yells at me with all her might, with her hurting words, that makes me want to die.

currently im still obsessing over things. now im still relying on opportunites to get the things i want. presently i still cant forget them, to stand up on my feet again, to survive without objects that are so useless to me but what i want for the sake of wanting them.

ohgod, save me. tell me how to get rid of worldly desires, of superficial wants, of objects and things that hurt me so. ohgod, teach me how to die.